What can I do with my boyfriend - he's so cheap?

Dear Charlene:

How do I tell my boyfriend that he's cheap? He has many admirable traits, but his inability to put his hand in his pocket is driving me insane!

Jane

According to my personal poll (compiled from friends and friends of friends), it seems that women would rather date a man who's a dismal kisser than one who has 'cheap' tendencies. However, you do say he has got other redeeming qualities so perhaps we should work on taming his Scrooge-like tendencies rather than discussing tactics to hook you up with a sugar daddy. (although if know one... )

The worst approach is to put him on the defensive, so don't start off by calling him cheap or whining that he holds onto his money more tightly than Donald Trump in a pre-nuptial agreement. Start by saying how much you care about him and what a great person he is (yes, it's tiresome, but flattery really smoothes the way). Then launch into a general discussion on money. Tell him how your money views and values were shaped. (For example, as a child, were you given an allowance that you could spend on anything that struck your fancy, or did you have to work at part-time jobs to afford clothes and makeup?) Ask him to share his money persona with you. Where did his fears about spending come from? Were his parents unemployed for long stretches of time? Remember, money can be tied to his feelings of security or self-worth. (Try to avoid sounding like his psycho-anaylist during this phase). Gently let him know that his reluctance to spend money on you makes you feel he doesn't value you. End by suggesting a compromise: You cook him dinner and rent a DVD for 3 dates in a row, then he takes you out somewhere wonderful.

If he is open to compromise despite his cheapness, you are onto a winner. If not, tell him that biggest turnoff for a woman is a cheap boyfriend and get a new one! Bear in mind, a man who wants to please his partner is better than money in the bank. Well, almost.