Dating for single Mums

"I am the single mother of a 3 year old daughter. I have recently started to date again, but I am worried my daughter will have issues with sharing me with another person. I am wondering what is the best way for a single mum to introduce a new date to my daughter and when is an appropriate time for me to do so?"

There is no rush, especially with online dating where you can take the time to get to know someone, just when you feel comfortable with the situation introduce your new date to your daughter as a "friend." Friendship is not only the basis of a good marriage, but something your child will understand! Not all new friendships develop into anything, but good ones continue to grow. You are unable to look into a crystal ball and see the future, so just go with the present and see what happens.

Firstly there is no specific time frame for introducing them. It is important that your daughter realizes that you need adult friends of both sexes in the same way that your she has her friends at nursery or toddler group, she will understand that you need friendships, too. The term 'friend' will give her the sense that it is not a matter of competition, so jealousy is lessened from the start.

Secondly it is important to maintain 'boundaries' during the early stages of the dating process in order to protect your child from becoming attached to someone who may not be around for long. It is not the specific amount of time, but the nature of the commitment that evolves between you and a boyfriend that should determine the relationship between your child and a significant other.

A single mums dating life should be kept relatively separate from your family life until you know someone well enough to feel they would be a good friend to your child. Introduce them slowly with activities that involve the child such as going to the park, beach or having a picnic. Wait until there is a definite commitment to the relationship and possibly even the potential for marriage before assigning any parental responsibilities to a new boyfriend, or considering deepening his involvement with your daughter.

Finding Love Online

Finally, answer any of syour daughters questions as honestly as possible. For example, one single mother had been dating a man for six months. The relationship had become a committed boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. The boyfriend became acquainted with her three-year-old son and they liked each other. They had been to the zoo and enjoyed contact based on reading books and having breakfast together. One day, when her son wanted to play his computer game between bites, his mother was talking to him about the importance of sitting down to dinner together. She told him that family members are special to one another and having dinner together was a special time to be together in families. He took this opportunity to ask her if her boyfriend was a part of their family. She said "no," he was a good family friend.

This single mum's answer clarified the boundaries. She refrained from setting up false expectations by blurring the line between friendship and family, even though her son and boyfriend were clearly developing affection for one another. When, and if, her boyfriend and she do commit to marriage, he would then be invited into the family with responsibilities and expectations for full membership!

Of course friendships are important, but it is important that you protect your child from getting overly involved with men who may appear as caring parental figures to a child only to disappear later. When in doubt, err on the side of caution.

Dating for single mothers - Online Dating